Bahrain BMV

Although I don't think that's the official name. This is where we went to get me a bona fide Bahrain driver's license. It was a very strange process, nothing like back home. First, (the only thing like home) they had me take an eye test, which was absolutely pointless. It was all M's, W's, and 3's. They asked me one line and that was it. Then they took copies of my passport, visa, American license, a photo that I had to provide, and 20 dinars. Poof, 20 minuets later I had a Bahrain driver license. I was a little leery about snapping photos here, so Rachel's mom took these two. The first is of the entrance, and the second of the counter and waiting area. Notice the guys in thobes behind the counter. They are like Arab Nate and Higginses...

Some buildings, some sand, some palm trees

Rachel and I were casing out a park to take our kids on a field trip to when we took these photos last week. They're not all that interesting, but I'm going to note a couple things. The first is that this USED to be the coastline until they started land reclamation for a new "Bahrain Bay" project. And in all reality, this wasn't truly the natural coastline anyway, that originally sat about a quarter to half mile inland from where we are standing. All those tall buildings that are in the background, hell, any land at all you see in these pictures was at one time sea. A good portion of the northern part of the island is reclaimed, it's really an amazing feat. Anyway, back to the pictures. I included the 3rd picture because you can see a nautical navigational light that was once for boats now sitting high and dry. That amused me. The 4th picture is of the yet unfinished Word Trade Center with the newly-installed triple turbines. Those bad boys are huge, and are expected to provide the building with (ready for this number?) 11-15% of it's total power needs! WOW! That's huge! I'm sure the cost to design, manufacture, install, and maintain those is way less than the amount they'll save on their government subsidized electric bill (catch the sarcasm there?). And I also forgot to mention that this is unchartered territory, the only other large scale wind turbine project like this failed on a building in Singapore. Fucking ridiculous if you ask me. I've come to the conclusion that Arabs are for show only. As long as it looks cool, as long as they look like they are trying to be "green" in a country that thrives off of oil, then fuck it if it actually works. I'm convinced that's their mindset.

I wish I was special so I could get one of these

I mean I know I'm special, don't get me wrong. Just ask Rachel or my mom. Or the "special" school I went to. You know, the one with short busses:) Anyway, what you are looking at are custom made Bahrain license plates for the Formula 1 race. That's the Bahrain International Circuit logo in the middle on the plates. And in the first pic, there is a hard-to-see placard under each plate telling what racing team had each specific plate. Bad ass. These would be worth a shit-load and a definite highlight in my plate collection. Too bad they're not for sale. Oh, for those that care, these are on display at the Motorox Cafe (which is pretty cool in itself.)

Shampoo(ing) and douche, all in one! (Grocery Store Goodness Post!)

And today's FEATURE post pretty much speaks for itself.

Does your hair need more volume? Could you really go for a refreshing douche? Kill two birds with one stone with new and improved Ushara!

Kids, kids, and more kids.

Since I had my camera out the day of the play, Rachel and I took some more photos of the kids when we got back to the elementary. The first photo was taken as the kids were leaving--check out the guys in thobes coming to get their kids.

The second is of Rachel's 4th grade homeroom girls. In order from left to right, top first: Ola, Noor, Hajer, Ayah, and Amina. Then Yara, Sara, Farah, Fatima, Noof, and Zinnia.

The third is of my 5D boys posing. In order from left to right, top to bottom: Abdulla, Mustafa, Ali, Saeed, and Mohammed. Then Aziz, Aboody, and Yousif.

And the forth is Yousif again. He's a pain in the ass, but very smart and very likable. Sometimes you want to kick his ass and hug him all at the same time. Reminds me of me:)

Arab school play, done American style

We took our kids over last week to see "Our Miss Brooks," the first ever production of a play (let alone an American one at that) at Modern Knowledge Schools. It was interesting, to say the least. There were lots of forgotten lines, lots of technical difficulties, but they tried. And the kids enjoyed it, and that's all that matters.

Of note:
Pic 2: the girl in the hijab on stage
Pic 3: Mr. Byron being Mr. Badass in the background
Pic 5: my class walking to the high school (the next block over)

The Bahrain Souq. Smelly Indians, Fake Goods, and Crumbling Buildings

The word "souq" in Arabic means "marketplace." This souq has been around for at least a hundred years, and is a good representation of what shopping was like in this culture before the mall culture took over. The souq is an interesting place in that there are lots and lots of narrow streets (that cars still drive down) and alleys lined with little shops that peddle any and everything. Most of the stuff is extremely cheap or is counterfeit, which makes for a cautious shopping trip. You quickly learn not to buy anything of value here; most likely it's a knockoff of some sort. But the Indians like it, and they are fucking everywhere. It's amazing how busy this place can get. You are wall to wall people walking down the street with cars inching along trying to get through. It's something better experienced than seen. But as you are taken aback by how interesting it is, you also notice how shitty the place looks at the same time. The biggest complaint that I have is that when I go there I am assaulted by almost every shop owner because (presumably) I'm white. "Excuse me Mr! Excuse me!" "Sir!! Camels!! Cheap watches!!" "Sir, sir, SIR!! Ghutras (the Arab headress--i.e. tablecloth)" And this happens at almost 75% of the stores--I'm not fucking joking. You think Jehovah Witnesses are bad? Go to the souq and be white. They don't bother the Indians, or the Arabs. Just us whiteys. 2nd on my complaint list is how dirty and run down the place is. Most of these buildings are in bad disrepair, and walking through many of these narrow streets and alleys makes one think that they may crash down at any point. And if that's not bad enough, they create shelter in between the buildings with shabby-looking tin or bedsheets (see the 3rd and 5th pic). I shot these photos last week when Rachel and I went there to try and find cheap beach towels, which brings up another point. Everything, and I mean everything, you have to barter the price, or you are a fucking idiot. They will say 4 dinars, you say 2, and you meet somewhere in the middle. If you think it's too much, walk away and watch the price come down like the stock market crash in the 20's. They will even run after you lowering the price as you walk further away. It amuses the shit out of me, really. For example, the second pic is of me trying to lower the price on a F1 t-shirt that was way too small for me. I just enjoy fucking with these guys. They will do anything to make a sale.

Bling Bling'n in a 3 story safe, bitches!

In the souq (the traditional marketplace--i.e. crummy shops, pushy salesmen, and hot goods) there is a building known as the Gold Souq. Basically it's a three story safe. See the picture of one of the front doors if you don't believe me. Anyway, it has over 100 little stores selling every type of precious metal and stone you could ever want in every type of combination--necklaces, rings, you name it. You can even get a silver pot leaf, if you are so inclined (see the 5th pic.) What I found most interesting while I was there was a shop that was selling currency of every type (4th pic.) They even had some turn-of-the-century American currency, which was way cool. Then I turned and looked in the showcase and saw something even cooler. Check out the 3rd pic--you need to click on it to get a detailed image. It is full of all kinds of old military and political memorabilia, including lots of Nazi medals. Very interesting.

Yeah.

That's a yellow Maserati in front of me in this photo. In the last few days I've spotted 3 Ferraris, a Lamborghini, and this Maserati. Ah, what oil money can get you.

Thank You For Your Custom

Well, I've brought with me Christmas, easter, thanksgiving, and proper driving techniques, amongst many other American customs. You, sign, are quite welcome.

Taken outside the liquor store last week.

In case of fire, use buckets

This photo was taken at a gas station, while my car was getting a fill-up. Which, by the way, I have yet to pump my own gas since I've been here. That's just a cultural no-no. Anyway, I took this photo at the same time I took the "take care about your car" pic. These buckets, filled with god-knows-what, are apparently the first (any maybe only) line of defense in case of a gas station blow up. Shit, might as well consider yourself a goner if that's all they have to save your ass--two Indians and 4 buckets of sand trying to put out a fireball seems like a lose-lose situation if you ask me.

Arabs suck at making right triangles

Except I think they are supposed to be sails, in which case I'm still not convinced that they should be allowed to make giant sculptures. Background--this is a huge sculpture that I drive by almost on a daily basis, but have never gotten a picture of. Until now. In fact, I really didn't pay much attention to it until Rachel pointed out the other day when it was raining that a team of Indians were painting it. In the rain. And that's not the first time I've seen people in this country paint something while it was raining.

Common sense is not a forte for these people.

We Take Care About Your Car

One would assume something as large as this would undergo some type of grammar check. Apparently not.

Wait for the walk sign to cross the road... then only go halfway and press another button.

I'm not joking. That's exactly how this crosswalk works. You press a button to cross, then once the light changes you cross the first road (traffic going westbound), and stop in the median. THEN you have to press a button in the middle to get the eastbound traffic to stop, which takes at least 30 seconds. Why the fuck they couldn't stop both lanes at the same time like a normal crosswalk is beyond me. Sometimes--who am I kidding--many, many, many times I am amazed by the stupidity and lack of common sense in this country.

"Hey Yousef, let's build a crosswalk here."
"Good idea, Ahmed. This is a high pedestrian area, considering it's right next to the souq--a huge tourist spot."
"I think the best way to do this is to make people stop in the middle of the road to press another button, just in case they need a break to rest from the long 30 foot walk across the first road."
"You are a genius, Ahmed. Of course the people can't cross both roads at once. That is WAY too tiring. This shall be the best crosswalk on the island!"

Thobes in Ferraris

'nough said.

I was behind this car the other day at a stoplight.

Niiiiiiiiice.

Welcome to Bahrain, home of the worst drivers on the planet

And most likely because they are trying to emulate the F1 drivers that they see once a year here. I took this photo last week just before the F1 race. They are really big into putting advertisements on the side of buildings that take up 30 floors in this country. Reminds me of Columbus:)

An added bonus to this photo--if you click on it you can see the Arab pimped-out Chevy truck with dubs.

"Dubs on the feet, velvet in the gut, uhhh"

Merry Christmas, here's your muffler

Snapped this one a while ago, but never posted it. This reminds me of something I'd see back in 'bula, not in the middle east. Made me laugh, I even had to drive by twice to get a good picture of it and still managed to get the fucking rear-view mirror in it (which by the way is still not fixed. GRRRRR)

Get in the kitchen and bake me a POT PIE!

Although if I made the Cartman voice and said that to either Rachel OR Laurie they would both tell me to go fuck myself. :) I took these pictures the other day when Laurie came over to cook with Rachel. I just sat there and played with Jaxy (ie?), Laurie's miniature pincher. But I must say, it was very nice to have two ladies in the kitchen cooking for you *wink wink*

Puck your cream cheese!! FEATURE!!

I've decided to do two features here at byroninbahrain.com, inspired by Polony (if you read, you know.) Anyway, one feature is of food that I see at the grocery store, and the other is of smashed up abandoned cars scattered everywhere on the island. The frequency to which I post these features is obviously contingent on when I go to the grocery store or when I see a totaled car next to the road. Either way, both of those things amuse me to no end, and I hope they do the same to you. If they don't, I really don't give a shit. It's my blog.

Up for the virgin feature grocery post is a medley of photos I got a few days ago when Rachel dragged me to Al Arosa grocery store (cause lord knows I don't cook and would never go to a store like that on my own volition:).

Here's the lowdown on each pic (for the visually challenged or for those that don't share my sense of humor)

Pic #1: POT noodles--with mushrooms (whoa!) or sweet and sour (Chinese pot!)

Pic #2: The 4-wheel-drive cart that is prevalent at most, if not all, of the grocery stores here (notice how all 4 wheels are facing different directions.) A really good idea if you ask me. An even better idea if I was 6.

Pic #3: Burger with Arabic spices. That's all fine and dandy until you notice it's from the "Americana" brand. Right.

Pic #4: My favorite. Halal chicken with the all important logo--a sword with chickens. For those that don't know, see the next picture for what halal means. If you really look closely on the package (i.e. click on the photo) there are two phrases that amuse me. The first is "slaughtered by hand as per Islamic rites" and "This product is not derived from animals which were fed by meals produced with animal proteins and/or animal residues." Animal residues? Who feeds chickens shit? Or is that where the phrase "chicken shit" comes from?

Pic #5 Halal chicken drumsticks. Halal is a slaughtering process where a certified Muslim (the qualifications for that are beyond me, sorry) kills an animal using a certain process. I dunno. Either way, Muslims are not allowed to consume non-Halal meat, and I get a kick out of various companies touting how their meat is more Halal than the competitions. Take this photo, for example. "Slaughtered by hand without stunning as per Islamic rites." Stunning? Like a taser?

Pic #6: Puck cream cheese spread. Enough said.